Hi Piglette, I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time, and I wanted to tell you, there's nothing wrong with feeling shy, scared / anxious / panicky. There's nothing wrong with anything you said. I want to tell you you're not alone. There are many people in this world struggling with the same thing you are. I understand not feeling like you've got a grip on your emotions and like you're constantly swayed by them, and like a very sensitive person. I'm very sensitive myself. I commend you for trying to fix your problems and actively looking at what is going on! That is great! Try not to beat yourself up. Are you in therapy? Sometimes seeing a counselor can help.

Edit: I just read the rest of your post where you said that you are scared that your anxiety and difficulties will keep you from seeing a counselor. Sorry about my overlook. I hope you keep posting here. Sometimes change comes gradually. But pat yourself on the back for anything positive you do or experience.