First of all, I want to thank you for your service to our country! And second, if your marriage isn't over, it should be and You should be the one who calls the shots. It's not like you went out to the store and didn't come home for months. If she don't stand by you and support you like you have done for not only her, but your country then I'd say that you deserve better than that! I'm sorry if that sounds blunt, but anyone who's willing to put their life on the line DESERVES respect and loyalty, from both your country and your spouse. This is more my personal bias than it is advice. I know that the situation is more complicated for you though due to your feelings for her and your family and I'm sorry that you're going through all of this!