my dad...

the person i am dependent on...

the person i live with and that buys everything for me...

because i am worthless....

and too damn broken and pathetic to be able to work ....



he is explosive.... i cant take it any more.....

i bottle it up... i try to reason with him...

i try to help him or teach him to see things the propper way without using anger...

it does not work.... i cant take it anymore...

everything makes him angry.... he is always saying something bad about something or someone....

he never says something nice or good...

he never makes me feel happy or good....

he is so hateful and mean.... but he acts like he is so nice and kind...

everyone thinks he is a good person... like maybe he is... he does good things for people but is so angry... i am so confused by it all i cant think straight....

i am trapped... i cant get out because of my mental illness...

dependent...

scared....

when everyone goes away he changes.... i just want to tell him to shut the **** up sometimes but then i turn into a scared little child that just wants to go into the corner and cry .....

bottle it up... hide... numb... dissociate... my world is not Kansas anymore... welcome to alice in wonderland... i hate my life... i dont know what i am... my personality changes so much i cant handle it... im just going to go insane.... feeling like this... i need a really big doctor... a really important person that can save me...

please save me....