i am ****ing trying so god damn hard....

talking to the doctors... fighting all the negativity surrounding me...

trying not to give in to the pain....

i am living duality....

i have multiple lives going on right now...

this is why i cant explain...

i try to express myself here... to understand my inner world... what is really happening to me? who am i... where am i... what do i need to do to find peace.... to really get better...

because this multiverse that i live in is killing me... to live like this is killing me... and will ultimately end in my suicide...

to live in a compartmentalized world... a world of severe distress.... crying out for help... where i am so lost that i cant see my own reflection...

every morning i wake up.... i fight the "demons" inside... they are not demons... they are my scars... my pains... my pasts...
i fight to move forward... i walk through barbwired realities, multiverse of worlds hiding severe pain from surrounding people in ways that i cant explain...

in ways to live a life... a way that no one can see me... who am i... what am i...

i dont even know anymore...

i am trying harder than everyone seems to think... everyone tells me to try harder....
no one sees how god damn hard i am trying to stay alive....