I can feel the stuck frustration. you can work with the doctors you have, take the best help they can give you. This is a tough time for you, and maybe you're straddling the line between staying how things are, and making some changes. It seems like you're trying to figure out which way to go, which way is better or which way explains things, and it's making you feel trapped. Maybe you want to make your dad better/wish he was happier, so that you can stay there and be cared for. But, energy sent in that direction might be energy lost...plus frustrating and disappointing for you, and it might feel like rejection. You might feel too broken to work right now, but believe that you can repair and rebuild.
You can get through this...you probably know what makes it worse for you..try not to feed it if you can.