Hi Mckell. I'm starting to think fate is trying to tell me something, and I am being forced to stay for a reason. Over the last couple of days, my hubby and I have been talking more, and even hugged and kissed a few times. He knows he has issues, and either he deals with them, or this marriage will have to over. I think he's finally stopped using me as the scapegoat, and realized that he needs to take responsibility for his actions.
Now, don't get me wrong, I won't be moving back into the bedroom anytime soon, but I am going to use the time that I am "stuck here" as a "wait and see". I am also going to do what I know I need to do, and regain my identity as an individual, not just as a wife and mother. I need to get out and make new friends, so I've joined a local Mommy's group. I have been writing in the greeting card industry, and the feedback I've received has been fabulous, so I think I may have stumbled on a new career I can do from home. I need to find my center again, but in the meantime, I will continue to offer my friendship and support to my husband.
His Mom is here visiting, and although I wasn't going to tell her what is going on, but broke down and told her everything today. She knows he has issues, but I think she knows that she helped create the problems, and is at a loss as to how to help. We both faced the fact today that we CAN'T help him, he has to help himself.
I miss him. I miss being close to him. But everytime we've had a marriage "crisis", I let him back into "my bed", and then it seemed as though he stopped working at things. I don't want the same patterns to continue, so I'm trying to stay "seperated". I am so confused, and scared, and tired. I just want peace of mind, and the man I married six years ago.