I hope you can find a way into group therapy. The way you describe one on one counseling is how I see it also. There comes a point where it us just repetitious. Or, even worse, it gets to be just reporting how your week went and venting. That doesn't constitute "working" on anything, in my view. But it's an easy no stress way for a counselor to put in a day. They sit there and listen. We feel gratified that we are being listened to, but here's what I found: I can get as much out of calling one of those psychics who let you talk and then make forecasts about your future. Some of them are really good listeners and insightful. Having honest friends you can bounce things off of can clarify your thinking. Having older women to mentor you can be invaluable, though often we don't have that. In my twenties, I had a co-worker in her 50s who helped me develop a better attitude in dealing with people on the job. Partial hospitalization helped me a lot because of the interaction I had with peers. I came to think they were more helpful to me than the professionals there.

I believe in owning what I've done and who I've been along my life. It's too easy to disown a lot by saying, "Well that was my disorder; that wasn't me. That's not who I am." To my mind, that's crap. I don't need to believe that I Am Guilty of Nothing. All bad things can be attributed to my "alter," or my disorder . . . or "The devil made me do it." That makes me powerless. I like to look back and decide, "Okay . . . I acted like a sh!thead when I behaved the way I did in March of 2007. So I now have a different way of handling a situation like that." That's me seeing myself as the person who is living my life. I make my own decisions. Sometimes I regret them . . . and change them. I did it my way. And I do it my way. I'm proud of some things and ashamed of others. I can live with that. I'll make more mistakes. I hope I'll discover when my actions are wrong, or foolish, and I'll change and correct what needs correcting. Some bad habits I'll never succeed in overcoming. My life is what it is and most of what it is results from what I decided at each step of the way. Some of my poor decisions were what I genuinely thought was best at the time. I had a lot to learn. Everyone does. Finding that I was wrong is not the end if the world, or the end of my self-esteem. Lots of things are My Fault. That;s fine. That's true of everyone. This world is quite a mess, and that's the fault of the people living in it, Including Me. I don't need some psychological theory that absolves me of everything.

I believe that if you spend enough time around professionals in the psych industry, listening to them, reading their theories, you can lose the ability to think for yourself. Modern pop psychology, to a large extent, in my experience, sells people on how rationalize away being responsible for anything.