thanx for the support guys...and seraph...welcome to PC...I knew some people wouldn't understand and you are the prime example my friend...if my trust factor was rated on just these two incidents in my life then I wouldn't waste your time or anyone else's by posting here...I have been used in one way or another since I was three starting with my parents and siblings and continuing with my adult relationships...like you I can not and will not trust anyone...which I should have explained in my post...this last time it had been about 13 years since I let anyone get close enough to even think about trusting them and it is still on going...I let them in again today and was stabbed in the back again...well it isnt that bad but as I have tried to explain to others who have tried to get close to me I will not trust them but they profess love and how they will be different but they never are...I can not trust anyone...I can love...I can need...I can want...but I can not trust...even when I try to trust it isn't real because in my mind I am seeing a different scenerio for every second they aren't around...and when you are waiting for the hammer to fall it is like being in another world...by the time a person has gotten to me they have already shown their true colors and I wait...and then it happens...if thats not insane then what is?