This post will be a long and wordy one, so I apologize. I tried my best to break it up into manageable paragraphs.

In case you haven't been reading my posts in the Sex and Sexuality forum, my boyfriend and I had sex a little over a week ago, and ever since then, strange things have been happening.

The day after, I noticed pink smudges on the toilet paper after I wiped. I also had lower abdominal cramping type pains, and felt a bit nauseated, and even threw up once, but only a tiny bit (mostly spittle). I attributed this all to him having been larger than any man I've been with and that he may have bruised my cervix while he was inside, or even left abrasions on my vaginal walls. I noted that I was quite sore following sex, and that lasted a day and a half.

We had sex on Friday afternoon, and the Saturday evening following that, I decided to check and see exactly how sore I was still by inserting a sex toy inside of me. I did little more than push it in, and let it sit for a second or two before I pulled it back out. When it came out, I noticed that the tip of it had a tiny bit of blood on it.

When I went to use the bathroom a little bit later, there was a noticeably big smear of blood on the toilet paper after I wiped. Again, I thought this might have been the toy opening up partially healed bruising/abrasions on my cervix and vaginal wall, but I was a bit disconcerted at the sight of the blood, so I posted on the Sex and Sexuality forum about it.

During all of this drama, I had been experiencing a headache, and light headedness, and was taking Aleve for it. I also noticed that my breasts were slightly tender, like they sometimes got before I had my periods.

Now, I should mention that I have an IUD in, although the IUD has been in place for about 5 years now, maybe a little more. My boyfriend also withdrew before he ejaculated, and did so on my chest. I checked the condom he used during, after he had discarded it in the trash and left, and it appeared to not have any rips or tears in it. Although, I didn't fill it with water or anything like that. I just picked it up out of the trash and gave it a brief visual inspection.

Well, all the resources I've read said that at this point, I had to wait a week or two to take a pregnancy test, so one agonizing week later, I've ordered pregnancy tests from Amazon, and during my search for the most reliable kind AND looking at other online resources, I developed another headache, lightheadedness and my lower abdomen aches, much like I felt a week ago. I've also noticed that it's much harder for me to become full, that I'm always rather hungry and thirsty.

I've also discovered something else that's new. I was just examining my breasts, I usually try to do so at least once a month to look for lumps and whatnot (and I was also sort of going through thoughts of possible pregnancy and wanted to see if any fluid would come out through my nipples). When I went to squeeze my nipples, I noticed the smallest amount of clear fluid seeping out. It happened on both nipples and I almost flipped out. You see, I've never had nipple secretions before in my life!!

I'm not sure how I feel. On one hand, I know that being pregnant will probably be very difficult, what with my MI and having to go off of some of, if not all, my medications. I also fear developing Post Partum Depression, or being so unstable during pregnancy that I'd be a danger to myself and the unborn baby. I also have no means of supporting a child of my own right now. I barely earn any money as it is.

On the other side, I've often thought about being pregnant, to the point where I may have obsessed about it. Every time I see a baby or toddler, I can't help but smile and watch them for a minute or two, almost longingly. I even settled on names I'd use if ever the day would come that I'd have a baby, not that I ever plan on it.

So yeah, the pregnancy tests are on their way, but until then, I'm sure I'll be a nervous wreck. Cross your fingers with me and lets hope I'm not pregnant.