You stated that you basically want a med that will make you wanto work like a normal person.
What's normal?
You won't find the answers to yourself in a med & you shouldn't be looking for someone to fulfill your purpose! Sorry.

You fulfill your own purpose. No one else. You have many issues you need to grapple with & understand & as you do I think you will build your own self confidence, direction & worth.
You deserve it so put the work into yourself. You'll find your answers.
Fwiw