I am finding myself stuck once again. He is being so nice. He is saying all the right things. He listened to some kind of christian preacher on hte computer, the sermon was on getting "stuck" in your marriage and how to get unstuck. He had all these great revelations. How wrong he was, and what he should not have done, that kinda stuff. I am glad he has realized his short comings. But so much damage has been done. Things seem to be going so well at this moment I would feel guilty for even thinking about leaving. I am pretty sure this notion that he is going to change, will quickly come to and end. It is slowly killing me to have him be mean, then be nice, mean then nice. It drives me nuts.

I do not know what I want to do with my situation. Some days I want to leave, and leave now. Other days I look at things with question. I do not trust my own judgement any more. I do not believe in myself. I am afraid of failing, I am afraid of bieng stuck here forever. I am afraid of moving out and living in poverty and finding that I should have stayed. My marriage was not as bad as I thought. But at this moment, I feel like I am just in limbo. By staying I am prolongling the truth. I am living a lie. I want to leave yet I don't want to leave.

All my T tells me to do is to keep doing what I am doing, and when the time is right I will know it. Just like I did hte last time I left. I knew it was time, and I had a peace with it. So I guess until then, I will continue to live this life the way it is and the way I am right now One day I will know what I want. I jsut wish I would hurry up and know the answer.