Already, I catch myself thinking how I'm probably all wrong about him, them. How I'm probably just a victim of my imagination, or that it was just scary movies, church, and random scary neighbors, and my own guilty conscious to blame.
I guess this is how that obstacle stays an obstacle

I hope writing this down will help me chip away at the confusion. The "danger" is I feel the programmed roller coaster of thoughts and emotions that keep me from being stronger than the obstacle. I know it's repressed memories, I won't forget that. But I started thinking, "I hate myself." It's a nasty knot...that I deserve to be free of. Then I think of my mistake: that I denied my intuition, that I acted like a sheep, a docile animal when my mother snapped at me. Every avenue towards health has a barricade to go around..who put them there? Mom and dad? Me? I think it's all so obvious if I looked at the big picture, but I'm stuck on the roads finding things as I come across them, getting lost, turned around, and forgetting where I was going.

I am calm though. But I don't want to arrive, because I don't want to see that obstacle.