This is something I have gone through my whole life up until recently.
Mindfullness is what saved me. Learning how to be in the moment.
I never was able to use the left side of my brain. Use my prefrontal cortex and
diminish the role of that part of my brain which just sees life , and myself , thru an emotional lens. If you can learn to concentrate on just right now , what's right in front of you , you can stop your mind from being hijacked by a negative emotional loop. Meditate on the " now". Think about gratitude.
As far as I'm concerned you need the suffering your going thru right now
before you can break out to the other side.
Your past , I believe has taken over your mind. What if there was no past ?
What if you were able to step back from yourself and take a few deep breaths
every time your goaded into an emotional state ? What if you could stop thinking
so much and realize how the world and we humans really work ?
What if you took charge of yourself , instead of being led around by " emotions "
I'm not saying to become a robot. We NEED our emotions. But we can't let them rule us. We have two parts to our brain. I needed to develop the " other part " ,
which I hardly ever used. Didn't think I could. Just didn't think !