I can appreciate everything you all have said about other people's reactions to depression.

Here's a different perspective, though. Many of you know that I have been part of this board for about 2 years now, trying to get help for my fiance. He has suffered with severe depression. I have joined several support groups, read every book under the sun, attend therapy (psychologist and psychiatrist) with him to make sure I understand and can be the most supportive possible. I am one of the non-depressives that "get it".

But...

Before you jump on the people who don't suffer from depression and who don't "get it", please understand what it's like to live with someone who is depressed. It's no easier for them to stop wanting you to "snap out of it" than it is for you to expect them to just accept that there isn't much you can do to change. Part of the disease is that depression clouds possibilities with negativity. It was completely frustrating to see him lay in bed all day crying when help was available. He couldn't reach out, couldn't understand that with treatment, he could feel better. He saw his situation as completely hopeless.

You can't imagine how frustrating it is to watch someone you love suffer like that. Think of what it would be like for your spouse or parent or child to have a painful and debilitating disease, let's say cancer, but refuse to try anything to cure it -- won't go to the doctor, won't try medication, won't get therapy. They just assume that nothing will work and that they are doomed. You'd want to shake them, scream at them to think of what they are doing not only to themselves, but to their families who have to sit on the sidelines and helplessly watch them needlessly suffer. The only person who has any control of depression is the person who is depressed, but that person can't always see that there is hope... because they are depressed. It's a vicious cycle.

I agree that the things that GreyGoose listed are typical of someone who doesn't understand depression. I am not excusing them. But even for those of us who DO understand it, it is VERY difficult to not resort to thinking things like that when the suffering goes on for months and years - needlessly. There ARE solutions. If you haven't found your solution yet, please don't give up... you haven't found the right medication, the right therapist, the right support group... but it is NOT hopeless.

I belong to several support groups for spouses of depressed people. A common theme is that it's like listening to a record that has a skip in it... the non-depressed person will walk over and move the needle... the depressed person will see themselves as being incapable of fixing it so they won't even try. But, the depressed person is in charge of the record player, so, everyone else in the room has to listen to the broken record. (that was just an analogy ... don't take it literally, please).

I think that my fiance's case was rather extreme, based on comments from many of the long-term members here who had helped me through my trials and tribulations. However, he is MUCH better now, thanks to finally hitting on the right combination of medication and finding two fanstastic doctors (after many failed attempts). It was a rocky road, though. Depression almost ruined both of our lives, but I wouldn't give up on him. I'm glad I was persistent and that he loved me enough to try... not for his sake (because he didn't think anything would work) but for mine.

I KNOW you can't just snap out of it... it takes a lot of work. I'm sorry you have had to hear trite comments like that rather than the support you need and deserve. I just thought you might get some insight from what it's like on the other side of the fence. I hope I didn't offend anyone, but if I did, please PM me and I will make the appropriate edits.