Im not so sure the ED is going to kill you. I think you are trying to kill yourself. You are just using the ED to do it. The question is why? If you really believe you are a good person inside (which hopefully you do or are making strides towards believing it) then why hurt your self? If your children are good, why aren't you good? If your children can be accepted despite their flaws, why cant you accept yourself?

I pray you stop the fight against yourself. I know it too well, and I know how much it hurts and gets you nowhere...but thats the point i guess.

Much love,
esthersvirtue