Trigger warning for sexual abuse. Sorry if this is in the wrong place.

I finally started seeing a therapist a few months ago and at first he was really helpful and understanding, but ever since I told him I was sexually abused as a child, he has started making me feel uncomfortable.

I fully expected it to be uncomfortable to deal with the abuse in therapy. I expected to get asked questions that made me feel weird and to have to put work in to start feeling better, but this is my first time seeing a therapist and I don’t know if it’s normal for him to want me to be so…explicit. He pushes for details that just seem unnecessary. Today he asked me if I was quiet while I was being abused or if my abuser ever had to keep me quiet and I just started to panic. Even typing about it now, I feel sick and afraid. I did not want to answer that question and looking back, I think that should have been obvious to a freaking therapist. I was fidgeting and squirming in my chair, my face was burning, I was on the verge of tears, but he kept pressing for an answer until I finally gave him one. That was near the end of the session. I don’t even really remember what he said or anything. I just left a few minutes later and cried for ten minutes in my car before going home.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting. I know it’s possible. But I think it’s weird that he would ask for details like that (is that a necessary detail? I feel like it’s not) and even weirder that he would keep insisting on an answer when I’m clearly uncomfortable/afraid. I’ve even told him outright that he’s making me uncomfortable and he usually stops the line of questioning. But then a few minutes later, he leads the conversation back so that I have to talk to him about it again. I usually don’t realize he’s done that until later when I look back on the session and it’s starting to creep me out.

Even if I overreacted about today, that was really one of the less explicit questions he has asked me. He has also asked me to describe the most painful incidents, to tell him what exactly was painful about it, to describe in detail the various sexual acts I was forced to do, etc. At first it seemed kind of normal for him to want to get a basic idea of what happened, so he could help, but I feel like it’s going overboard.

Sorry this is long. I guess I needed to vent a little. I’m not going back to him anymore, but I guess I want to know…is this normal? Should I expect my next therapist to ask these questions? They don’t seem normal. They definitely aren’t helping me cope. If anything my anxiety has gotten worse since I started seeing him. I don’t know what to do. I really wanted to get help, but I am dreading having to tell another person about the abuse. Especially if it’s going to be so detailed. I’m just feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, and a little stupid because I don’t know if I should have expected this.