> It was so hard and still is-- as she has hated me one minute and then reveered me the next.

I think that is absolutely typical of at least some borderline mothers. Their emotions are very unstable; they are extremely insecure, and present a wildly different picture from one time to another, or from one person to another. Like some of their children (me, for instance at times) !

Take a look at the book "Understanding the Borderline Mother", by C.A. Lawson. I only gave it a three out of five (I tend to be critical), but it's still definitely worth a read.