Hi, this is my first time posting here so bare with me. My husband is an adult child of an alcoholic. Just to give you some background info on him, his mom is an alcoholic, she and his dad got divorced when he was around 9 or 10. After this, they both got remarried. His dad got with a woman who had 2 daughters from previous marriages. My husband and his younger brother then moved in with his dad and stepmom/stepsisters. According to my husband, he grew up in a very hyper-sexualized environment when he lived with his stepmom. He said she would always tell him and the other kids about sexual experiences that she'd been involved with in the past. He said she would sometimes teach him and the other kids how to kiss. Apparently she was concerned that if any of them were to get boyfriends/girlfriends someday, they wouldnt know how to kiss properly so they had to take turns practicing on each other. To me, that sounds like borderline sexual abuse. Basically. my husband had a messed up childhood. He went from living with an alcoholic to living with a sex addict. Until he started going to a psychologist these past few years, he thought that a lot of this stuff was normal.

Anyway, my husband and his oldest stepsister are about the same age, and he said that his stepmom would always make comments about how a lot of step siblings do things with each other (meaning in a sexual way). Then he said she would get angry and say "You two better not ever do anything like that!!". The first thought that came to my mind was "if you don't want them to do anything like that, why in the world would you even put those thoughts into their head?". My husband says he feels almost like she was trying to lead them into it.

I didn't know any of this stuff until yesterday. I knew that his stepmom had serious issues and I knew about all the sex stuff that she would talk about, but I didn't know about the stuff specifically involving his stepsister. We have been together for about 10 years, married for 7 years and we have a 2 year child together. When we first started dating, he told me that when he was in high school, he almost had sex with some girl. Supposedly, he tried to but he was a virgin and so was she, so it was awkward and weird, and he didn't get to actually finish the act because they got interrupted and had to stop. Up until recently, these were the only details that I knew. I just assumed that it was someone he went to school with, and that maybe he parents had walked in on them or something. Anytime I would try to inquire further details, he would always say that it was embarrassing, and that he didn't want to talk about it. So, I left it at that. I always thought the whole story sounded a little bit off and I just felt like there was more to it, but I figured he would talk about it when he was ready.

So, yesterday, somehow the topic got brought up. And he says to me "you know that girl that I told you about in high school?.... that was my stepsister". I was shocked. I never expected him to say that it was her. Apparently this is why he is so embarrassed about it and never wanted to talk about it. He said that he always felt bad for not telling me but that the subject hardly gets brought up and its difficult to bring it up. He told me that it was a situation where they were both inexperienced and were just being stupid. Plus the fact that they grew up in the household that they did, where everything was so highly sexualized. He said that his stepmom pulled up in the driveway and they had to stop before they got caught. He said that they both regretted it later and realized once they were older that it wasn't normal. He said she told him that "those things should probably be done with someone that youre in love with and have feelings for". For some people, that statement might be obvious, but when you grow up in a house like that, you have no clue what normal is.

Considering the way he grew up and how his stepmom is, I think it was probably just inevitable that something like that would happen, so I can't say I really fault him too much. It bothers me more that he went all this time without telling me. I mean he told me part of the story but he left out a huge detail. I've met his stepsister several times and it just makes me feel kind of stupid that they had this secret between them that I didn't know about. Now I cant help but to feel like its going to be weird the next time I'm around his stepsister, now that I know this. I mean its in the past, they've moved on and supposedly they didn't have romantic feelings for each other but its still a part of their past and I feel like I should have known about it.

He did apologize for not telling me sooner. He says it was bothered him for a long time and that it was always super embarrassing but that he is finally coming to terms with it and has accepted it. Me on the other hand, I'm still in kind of a state of shock. He suggested that maybe we should see a therapist together to talk about it and sort it out because he says he don't want to tell me how to feel. He has finally came to terms with it and he understands that I will need time to get to that point as well. He even suggested maybe he, myself and his stepsister all talk about it if she would be willing to. It would probably be awkward and uncomfortable but what we are learning is that sometimes you have to come out of your comfort zone in order to gain closure. What do you all think? Any tips or advice is very appreciated. Thanks.