WOW, your abuse is way more severe then mine ever was, and i'm sorry you had to deal with that - and i'm glad you are out of there!! I cant imagine what you went through.

I was wondering why my brain kept replaying this situation over and over, and my sleep has been effected big time. He NEVER listened to me. Either I was crazy and it was all in my head, or he would just not respond at all. I felt like deep down he hated me, but when I would question it - I would be called weird, but he was treating me like he hated my guts but still wanted to keep in touch. Everything he did was just very inappropriate and everything I knew about humans had to be thrown out of the window, when dealing with him. I began to walk on eggshells, trying to figure out if I should bring something up or not, would this set him off in a rage? or would he just stonewall me.

Im not sure he was closeted gay. I'm not sure the attraction to men was just exciting or if he really was/is gay. I do know that he was trying to suppress those thoughts by binge eating. He knew those thoughts weren't "normal".

I don't know why i'm so upset. On the surface I know hes toxic, he has a TON of issues with himself. I think he saw me as someone who had it all together, and to make himself feel better, he tore me down. I don't know how else to explain it.

From what I went through and witnessed, I do not believe that he would ever be capable of a normal healthy relationship. I hope that is true, and he ends up Old and alone. I know that sounds mean, but that would be a good enough revenge for me.