Quote:
Originally Posted by Constellation36
I have had one disassociate state when I was a teenager. I didn't remember it until I was 36. Once I remembered that disassociation, memories of childhood sexual abuse came flooding back. I haven't had any disassociative states that I know of since I was a teen (and for sure when I was a child, but I know this common and doesn't mean you have DID). My doctors labeled me as bipolar and also that I have PTSD as a result of past trauma (I've been through a lot of **** in my life). I've had some obvious manic spells where I have auditory hallucinations, but now I'm starting to have auditory hallucinations (more like an internal dialogue) even when I just feel anxious. The inner dialogue is basically what I said to my abusers, what my abusers said to me, and then a really nice voice that calms me down. The voices I hear of me as a child are always the same. I don't know if this is PTSD(hallucinations occur with that disorder as well), or possibly the first symptoms of DID?
|
your title question.... What were your first signs of DID?
given that I didnt know I had DID until adulthood I have no idea what my first signs of DID were... you see I was abused under the age of 5, therefore any signs of my having DID would have been there since before I was 5yrs old. the result everything that was DID in me I grew up as it being normal for me.I just thought everyone had voices in their heads, trouble remembering things, spacing off, feeling numb, feeling disconnected... in other words everything that was my dissociation symptoms. even now after I had been diagnosed, years of therapy and now am where all my alters are integrated to where we are all one whole person again, there still is no way to know what my first disconnect into an alter is, what my first voice was, what my first time I felt numb was, what my first time hearing voices was... all that stuff that came with my being DID. my childhood brain just didnt think in terms of mental disorder labels and when was the first time/ first symptom kind of thing.
from your post your statement of inner dialogue of what you said and what others have said to you... do you mean that your inner dialogue is words you have said before to people and what others have said to you before but replaying in conversation style?
example today I told my wife I love you, see you at lunch and she said to me love you more lets do "Pipers Place" today.
then just a bit ago I heard voices in my head saying I love you see you at lunch and love you more lets do pipers place today.
in me my treatment providers call this normal flashbacks. how I handle this situation is recognizing the conversation and smiling.
my suggestion would be just to go according to what your own treatment providers say this is in you.(your post says they diagnosed you as bipolar and PTSD) they are the ones that know what other accompanying symptoms you are having, what your health history is, your lifestyle, culture and so many other things that go into making the diagnosis.
what I can tell you is what you posted (hallucinations, voices, and such) does happen with me because of my bipolar disorder and ptsd and other non dissociative disorders.