Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967
First off welcome to PC. You'll find lots of support here. I'm sorry your husband had such a tough childhood. He was fortunate to end up with someone as wise and compassionate as you. Do you think it would be a good idea for you to have individual in conjunction with couples therapy? You both need to process this individually as well. I would wait until you've had therapy before you consider whether you want talk with the stepsister. I understand your shock as well as him not being able to share before now. This incident psychologically scarred him. I wish you both the best. I'm here if you need to talk.  |
Hi, Jennifer. Thank you for your response. I hadn't thought about going to therapy individually along with as a couple, but that's probably a good idea. My husband had been seeing a psychologist for a few years and he just recently felt comfortable enough to stop going. He said he never brought up the issue to his therapist. I don't think he's ever openly discussed it with anyone to be honest, other than me. When it first happened he said he wasn't too embarrassed about it bechsse he didn't think it was a big deal but as he got older, he realized that it wasn't normal and then he didn't want to ever talk about it again. He says he is starting to accept it and move past it but I'm sure therapy would still be helpful for him. I think with issues this big, you just about have to talk to a professional to truly move past it. I agree that we should probably talk to a professional about it before asking his stepsister to get involved with anything. I want to be sure that if we ever do bring it up to her, that I'm going to be able to respond in a civil, respectful way. I don't want to respond with my emotions in other words. That could be bad.
I appreciate your positive and kind words. Honestly if he has told me this stuff when we first got together, I might have had a different reaction. Back then, I didn't know just how messed up his childhood was. But now I do know, and that's why I don't blame him much for the mistakes that he made in the past. He never really had a role model in his life to show him what "normal" was. I don't want him to be weird whenever I see his stepsister again, but I'm afraid it probably will be. I mean I don't plan on treating her any differently but it's going to be hard to not have that image of them pop up in my head when I see her. But I am trying my best to put myself in his shoes and to understand where he was coming from. If I was raised in the home that he was, there's a good chance that something like that could have happened to me, and I'd probably never want to bring it up either. I will mention the therapy thing to him again (both individual and as a couple) and see what he thinks. Thanks again!