I know I can't change my mother for what she does or for what she says. When she says hurtful things to me though, it truly does hurt. "You're so sensitive!" "You're a drama queen!" Yelling on top of her lungs and asking, "What do you want now?!" Anytime I try to talk to her, it's as if she can't stand to be in my sight and constantly tells me that she doesn't want to talk. She never was emotionally supportive of me. There's only a few occasions where my mother and I get along. The minute I stand up for myself or say anything she gets so angry or threatens me, "If you don't stop, I won't do this for you!" She'll say anything to shut me up or sweep it under the rug.

Feel as if I can't go to her about anything. The minute I do, she yells, complains, tells me everything that she does for me, complains about me, says how messed up all her children are or avoids me and won't even acknowledge that I'm there. If I try to talk to her, she talks right over me and I was in the middle of speaking. By the end of her talking, I completely forget what I was going to say. My mother always has to have the last word. Lately I've been noticing how her favorite is my younger brother and sometimes she'll say, "How come you can't be more like him?"

Sometimes I have to isolate myself away from her because the minute I'm around her, she'll yell, complain how I'm nagging her, ignore when I'm talking or say very hurtful things, "Oh you have it so hard don't you?" After she said that, I stopped her- "Nope, I didn't say that. You're putting words into my mouth and I don't appreciate it one bit. So please stop. I don't want to fight with you today." She ignores what I say, never apologizes to me or again tells me that I'm making a big deal over nothing when I'm not.

This has been going on for as long as I can remember. When I got sick and I had stage 3 Cancer on my cervix which was stopped, I kept insisting I knew something was wrong with me and she told me, "You're only looking for attention." Anytime I have a health problem, she blows up and acts as if it's the end of the world. She can't handle anything at all and constantly always blows up on me. Feel as if I'm her punching bag or something and for so long I can remember crying in my room. Once I wanted her to comfort me and she ended up leaving the room and in the past she yelled at me, "WTF are you crying for?!!!" I told her by yelling at me, isn't exactly helping the situation. Now I feel like I can't stand up for myself because anytime I do she blows up and yells at me or says "I'm messed up."

I'm not being over dramatic and I know it. This isn't how a mother should treat her daughter. Now I always rely on myself because my mother was hardly ever there for me. She says she was there for me, but she honestly wasn't. When I truly needed her she was never there. I constantly felt alone and abandoned by her. Of course I can never tell her this because if I did, again she'd yell at me or say "You're such a f- drama queen!" Sometimes I actually hear her inside my head and I know all the phrases and things that she'd said to me from a few years back. Even from my early 20's. That's how much damage she has caused me. I love her..... but at the same time I think it's better for me to hardly ever talk to her because I hate the way she treats me....