Hei T,

What you said today hurt. Basically everything you said today hurt.

I tried to explain something to you. You didn't understand at all. I got the expression that you didn't even try. You don't seem to get how disconnected I am from all of this. How I don't care about anything that happens to me. Stop trying to convince me that I should care. I know that.

Please stop asking me those stupid CBT-Questions too. I know those things work for some people. They don't for me. I can buy a workbook if I feel the need to...

I guess you had planned to stop what we were doing the past few weeks for a while. I'm sure you thought about it before we even started. So... I get why it's probably best to lay this on ice for the moment, but I don't get why we started at all then.

I felt like crying today. And no. Just accepting that this part of me exists isn't enough. Imagining to have taken care of her isn't either. Just so you know


I also know that things could have been worse. Really. I know that good things happened in my past, that I've probably had nice and healthy relationships. There's just no DAMN POINT TO IT AS I DON'T REMEMBER THEM.
I also know that I could be off worse.

I don't wanna see you again. I really adore you. You're one of the nicest people I've met in a while, but I can't let you mess with my brain that much.