I'm back from the hospital now. I start IOP on thursday, so hopefully that helps me stay out of the hospital.

My husband is very supportive. We're not separating, but he told me that if I did anything else that puts my daughter in danger, he's leaving me for sure. Right now he doesn't want me to be alone with her, so our babysitter is taking care of her for now when my husband is at work.

I feel like I always do things to sabatoge my life! It's like I can't stop! I hate myself for it. I wish I was dead. They'd be better of without me and my ****.