Iphone thanks for your opinion. I was not offended by what you wrote at all.

Their angry reaction towards me, after I questioned them about why they always blow me off, was not rational. I think my anger and irritation was a reasonable response.

They had been blowing me off for a year, the last time I'd seen them in person, so it incensed me to receive their email that they wouldn't be in touch with me over the summer. Meanwhile, making plans with others via Facebook, which I could see, was very insulting to me. It showed that they did indeed have time in their busy schedule for others; they just chose not to prioritize time to hang out with me, so I called them on it and that made them mad.

Whatever they're going through with their life, is none of my business unless they choose to share it with me. I am not a mind reader, and should not be expected to walk on egg shells with someone who chooses not to share information with me. If someone doesn't tell me what they're thinking or feelings, it's not my job to try to anticipate what it is, because that would put me in a codependent role with that person, which is something I refuse to do. I am not a caretaker (anymore). People are responsible for themselves and their own behavior. I can't control how other people act with me; that's not my job.

I don't need anyone to meet my needs all of the time. But, I do expect everyone I am friends with, to respect my boundaries and to meet my expectations if they really want to be friends with me. And when they fail to meet my expectations (and violate my trust), to be mature enough to acknowledge it to me by communicating honestly with me. That really isn't asking a lot of a person.

If I tell someone I want to be friends with my boundary, "don't use the term 'busy' with me, because of these reasons...." then I expect them to respect that boundary. If I tell someone how their words or actions hurt me, and they respond by deflecting and shaming, that means the friendship is toxic, and one I should forgo. Because, a true friend, would own up to their behavior out of respect for their friend. Friends make mistakes and forgive each other and move on. Friendship isn't static. It doesn't stay the same; it either grows or it withers, due to life's circumstances.

Everyone has expectations and boundaries, and the people they are compatible with, meet those expectations, and respect those boundaries. That's my understanding of how interpersonal relationships have always functioned. So, I don't think it is unreasonable, to hold people accountable when their behavior lets me down; to tell them why I feel let down. If they choose to deflect and blame me, then they're definitely jerks and not worthy of my time anymore. But, if they are true friends, they will try to see things from my pov, apologize, and make amends. I don't think that's having high expectations. I think that is reasonable to expect from people who want to be friends with me.

And frankly, it's just tacky to make plans on Facebook with others, then lie to me via messaging that they are too busy to get together. That's just wrong.