Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopingtrying
 I have only had a handful of good friends my entire life, but here is how we bonded: Doing activities together--riding a bus to school together (my high school was 25 miles away), taking classes together, watching a favorite TV show, running, camping, biking, walking, etc. Admitting to each other the things we felt most ashamed of and sometimes laughing about them. Talking to someone and finding that you have common beliefs or interest. Talking to someone who has a different belief but wanting to understand (being open to their idea and explore it). Also, finding things about the people that you like/admire and telling them about it (sometimes I tried to be more like them  ). |
Ok... nice... so it is no wonder I don't have closer friends. I am left absolutely alone with no guidance and expected to swim with the current. I cannot relax or let people very close and nobody cares about me or how I'm doing. Family never calls... doesn't care how I am. I worry I will be alone all my life when I don't have to be. But that's how it is. There is no one to soothe me if something goes wrong, or comfort if I haven't paid my bills. Maybe people think I am stand-offish or not too open and they're right, because I can't... I cannot do this anymore, nothing works anymore. I am so ashamed sometimes I can't open my mouth and ***** of a "mother" just pushes harder. Plus being abandoned frequently, left with nothing to do. She doesn't even ask if I have a job at all. It's all left on me. So I have difficulty being close to people.
Well forget about it. I guess I will be alone but I can say that I won't ever call her.
What do you think about this?
And yet I can't live in this way...