I can understand some of what you've mentioned. I had to shun my abusive family when I ran away from them 24 years ago. However I miss my nephews and nieces whom I loved very much - they were toddlers when I ran, and they're probably adults now. I know I could walk past them in the street and not recognise them. Not having a family (I couldn't have kids) is a big taboo in Black communities, and so is being open about being a survivor of abuse & violence. I find myself unable to make many friends because of this, and because I'm bisexual too.

I never used to feel part of my family - I was convinced I'd been adopted secretly. But I miss the illusion of belonging to something. I wish I didn't, but I do. I hope we can both feel at peace as time moves on.