I am going to say first off that the way your wife is handling the separation bringing a married man into the picture whether he is like a brother or not IS WRONG!!!!
I decided to back & analyze what you posted about your marriage & your relationship & where you said your wife was coming from at the beginning of your thread. These are key issues I pulled out regarding the relationship between you both:
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.The last year, she was in school and hanging out with her friends and became really distant to me, almost like a roommate so I done that stupid thing to get attention and it was totally wrong and I admitted that. We talked through it and I thought everything was good. I left 2 weeks after that on a 9 month deployment overseas
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For the past month I been home, we communicate for the kids and she told me that she was going to invite me out to dinner but my actions have told her not to.
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. She told her mom that she didn't want a divorce but she didn't like the fact I kept her in a "Bubble" as she calls it. Yes I do get insecure and jealous......
I am seeing a counselor for those issues so I can handle them better in the future with either her or the next relationship
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.She's telling her mother that she does not want to divorce for me, but that I keep her in a bubble and I run off all of her friends. .....
I am seeking individual counseling for myself to get over my insecurities and jealousy
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.I brought up marriage counseling and she said "As of right now, my priorities are nursing school, work and taking care of the kids". She's told her mother she doesn't want to go back to the way it was (I realize I had faults in the marriage as no one is perfect) and that I needed to focus on working on myself. I admit I could have been a better husband to her....
I admitted my faults and asked for forgiveness but she said "I forgive you, but that doesn't mean we need to live together at this moment".....
I am trying hard to find faith again and do better things to show I care but she says I'm "Faking" them. It just hurts. I just don't know what to do and how to handle this situation with the little communication we have
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.I'm definitely at fault for my part of mistakes..I just broke her trust for me and I feel she is doing this to show me she can do it herself without me. Her mom told me this morning that she told her this morning that she still loves me but doesn't want to go back to the way it was. I admit I could have been a better husband to her. Her mom said to give her space and stop being pushy cause it's pushing her away and it's making me seem obsessed, needy and controlling.....
I want her to miss me.
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. I think she is hurt from me texting someone else a few weeks prior to deployment. She told me before that she would look at her picture to find out what she had that she didn't. I really hurt her and broke her trust in me. I believe I wouldn't be in this predicament now if that didn't happen. She would always bring it up in arguments and everything, still to this day. She said she forgave me but it seems like she hasn't.....
I had my faults and admitted to my mistakes. I'm just giving it time and I hope her heart heals from the pain that I put her through. I just hope that giving her time to miss me and to think about things will bring her back to our marriage and have our family complete again.
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. I'm praying whatever she is going through that she snaps out of it. We have 2 children together and I she is not able to have any more kids, so I know I'll always hold a place in her heart regardless. I'll just see where time and this 180 takes me.
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So what I see is that your wife was going to school & having friends in school the year before your last deployment. Because you didn't like that there was a growing distance in your marriage, you decided to stupidly text another woman....to make her jealous???? To make her want to get rid of the distance in your marriage???? But why was the distance growing in the first place? Let's see, you said you have issues with jealousy & possessiveness & she said you pushed away her friends. This was long before the current issues came up....keeping her in what she felt was a bubble.
Ok, so you were going to therapy about these issues. What have you learned from your T that has caused you to change? What have you done to show your wife that you have changed?
I get that you asked her for forgiveness....but admitting you have a problem & asking for forgiveness doesn't show her any real change. It just shows that you can ask for forgiveness....there is no behavioral change in that other than awareness that you recognize you have a problem that is causing issues with your wife.
So what does your T say about your problems & the effect they cause in a marriage?
You said up front that your wife didn't ask you out because she didn't see a change in your actions.....then you go on to say that you just pray that she will come around....just wondering if she ever saw a REAL change in your behaviors that would indicate to her that it would be different if you did get your marriage back together? Is she still waiting to see that? Do you think that just having no contact with her & no longer pushing while you are separated that it should be a guarantee to her that you have changed if you were to get back together.
Sounds to me like the texting issue was just the tip of the ice berg as to the real issues that have existed in your marriage probably from the beginning & it was the straw that broke the camels back....in other words, it was her wake up call that she didn't want to live that way any longer.
Maybe in reality you are both incompatible & neither is willing to change the things that each wants out of a marriage.
Maybe it is time to call it quits. That way you can stop hopping that she will just "snap out of it" & she can stop hopping that she will see the change she needs to see so she can be confident that in getting back together she won't just end up right back where she was. It's called irreconcilable differences.