You are away for 3 weeks now and because I wasn't able to see you last week, it will be nearly a month before I can see you again.

I know you think I will be ok, because CMHT are stepping in and you hope they will take over or at least hold me until things are more stable. I wish I had the same level of confidence in them that you do.

I am meeting my new CPN (R) for the first time tomorrow, since the rupture with the current one (S) it is a handover meeting between the 3 of us, I know that is the right way to do things but I wish I could meet R on her own, without S there. I am worried that R's view of me will already be negatively prejudiced and that I won't get a fair chance to build the trusting relationship with her that I should have had with S from the start.

Over the past 2 years, you have pretty much been my only outlet for all the **** that is going on in my life. Now I have to navigate this new path alone knowing you are not there as a sounding board.
I am torn between wanting to run away from the whole thing and knowing that this is probably last chance saloon for me and that I need to accept their help.