oh Rainbow, this sounds so hard and unnecessary. I can see why your t wants you to look after yourself, we all have to learn that however hard it may be. I am wondering about your t and her counter transference, I wonder how she is usually with clients who depend on her and need her, maybe she unconsciously pushes you away. I don't know if this makes sense to you but it's just what I think is happening. I can really understand how the child parts are upset and maybe a little heartbroken, truth is too painful sometimes