I'm sorry it is hurting for you so much right now. Not sure if this analogy is helpful?.But sometimes I think of it as being without a leg. I can feel really sad about it and benefit from leaning on someone to help me walk and comfort me. But real freedom comes from learning to use crutches. I know the leg is still missing and can still feel sad about it, but I can also use those crutches to be independent and free.

Big hugs to you.