Your "snap" was a cry for help and that is a good thing, but that voice has absolutely no control over you unless you specifically allow it to do so...and there is where you can learn (as I have) to be okay in spite of it.

It is not your fault that the thoughts of bad things appear, and mere thoughts are never a crime. Also, our Maker can clearly distinguish our own thoughts from the invasive ones (even though sometimes that can be difficult for us), and we are never judged for the invasive ones. So even though you/we certainly do not want to tell all of these things to people who would/could never understand, just be sure to know other people only ever know us by our actual words and actions and not by whatever thoughts might happen be in our minds.

There is nothing wrong with that, and that is also evidence of a cry for help at least in the sense of honesty and humility.

Getting "closer to God" in the sense of getting all of this into proper perspective as He sees things and learning to practice certain spiritual principles such as taking every thought captive and wisely discerning which to embrace and which to reject is going to play a huge part in bringing some peace to you, but there is no religious practice or exorcism or whatever that can magically make the intrusive thoughts disappear. Also, neither is there any medication that can do that. At best, medication can only suppress things, never actually fix or remove them, and I have not gone that route for myself because I want to always maintain complete access to my entire mind.

I can help you by sharing my own actual half-century of experience with all of this -- no mere theories or speculations -- and I would gladly do that either right here on the forum or via PM.