Yes, I'm going through a lot right now. Depression, anxiety, grief. Your previous post about the thunderstorm incident for your own life story, seemed to trigger mine as well. I'm sorry I seem full of sarcasm and poison, but at this moment, today, I've been crying then laughing and all over the place.

My mother was buried and we had a very bad relationship..... I grieve for her life and my own. My oldest son was considered a burden to my parents and they suggested I have an abortion, to control the embarrassment that it would bring to the family. I held on to my son for dear life, even though it was suggested I give him up for adoption by my family doctor. I was previously suicidal, had an attempt that was very serious and that was a nightmare that repeated. I nearly drowned around 5 years old, and that is also a nightmare that repeated. I saw my first puppy run over by my dad, and they dismissed all 3 of us kids as though it was just a normal occurence in life.

I need to put a trigger here myself. I do understand it. I had a therapist that used that word with me and I didn't like it.

I had a police officer take advantage of me. He was in uniform.

It is good to get things out but I don't see an answer to how I deal with the past, it is in the past and must stay there.

I was raped at 18. My sex life after that was simply being like a robot in bed. I finally found a man who made me feel beautiful, yet he got phsyical with me, verbally abused me and I'm distraught now because I'm told from advice on another thread that it is better to be without him, yet I still long for love and closeness. He would make me dinners, he taught me to play the guitar. I often will say the bad things about him but don't admit that I'm a controling person, according to some people.

I'm really wound up. I'm sorry if I offend you as well. I feel like I can't handle everything. My son is becoming very aggressive towards me and I had to call the police because he was at risk, breaking glass pans a few nights ago. THe solution? I won't charge my son with anything. He isn't to blame. He needs help. This thread maybe should have been placed somewhere other than coping with emotions? Maybe under pstd, and I wouldn't have been as confused. My therapist was a very needy confusing person. Thanks for your help and understanding.

I am always sorry when I cross a boundary.