Hi. I read your posts and you are moving through a lot of mixed emotions right now. I can understand each one you've described. It's going to take some time to sort through all this mess inside and get to a point where you feel some comfort. The advice my therapist always gives me when I'm in places like this is not to make any major decisions until the dust settles. You just can't integrate all those feelings quickly and so you can't really know what to do until you give yourself time to process it all. I would just let yourself go through this anger/hatred place and try not to act on the emotional stages until they balance out and you come to a clearer picture of what it is that you'd like to do with him (besides push him out the window right now!)