So I've decided that I'll save my friends and SO the pain of knowing me by taking a 'break' from everything. They don't really seem to care anyway, so I don't think it'd bother them too much if I wasn't to return from this 'break' anyway. It hurts to know that they don't really care about me (tbh most of them have explicitly said so in the past), but it hurts me even more to know I'm in their lives and that they have to deal with me.

So I've decided to leave, sending them all messages about this 'break' of mine, and I've quit all social media, IM programs and any mutual sites/groups we're in. Part of me feels like I'm probably being manipulative for hurting so much that I'm acting like this, but I legitimately also want them all to forget me but I don't want to just 'ghost' them. I know their lives will be so much better without me in it, ha ha.

I'm completely alone now and the pain is even more unbearable. But this pain is mine, and mine alone to deal with. Right?