Hi Elio, good post.

I have a couple of parts that I sense. One child, very young, maybe 2 or even younger. Just needs cuddles and snuggles and lots of sleep and rest. One little girl, little one, maybe 8 or so. Doesn't come out very often. Is scared and very wary of everything, including me. Does like to have fun and play though. Likes girly things (that I have no recognition of ever liking myself). Older me. Doesn't feel right to say girl. 14 or 15. Confused, angry, lost, alone.

I feel like 8 is in charge of my therapy process, controlling it from a distance. She is charge and it is the only way. She never had a say back then but this is her chance now. It feels good that she is in control and I am going with it. So is my T.

I might forget some of your questions here!

I had a real struggle acknowledging the little girl inside me when I started this process. Old T said once something about her once, just something like "what does the little girl need" or something innocuous like that and I dissociated so bad I disappeared into the far reaches of my mind. All I could see was blackness. I couldn't hear anything at all and I ceased to exist for those minutes.

Come an awful long way then to now, when I can acknowledge the parts, talk to them, ask what they need and try to provide it or obtain it for them.

How much they control is a tough question, maybe because I don't always listen to them still. When I am at work they are not around. When I am with H they tend to hide, so mainly it is just the me time, and they come and go, sometimes present more often for long periods than other times. But they definitely control my process with my T in therapy.

How long to work though? Over 18 months in therapy and
I would say just starting too, though I guess we have been really working with the little ones for about 6 months, since they started trusting new T. I think I have years of work to do on this, though T seems unsure about this. She has often said that it might be quicker than I think, or similar things, but I have asked her to accept that it is OK for it to take years. I got screwed up over many years, so cannot expect effective therapy in a short time. Old T warned me of that before I started.

Hope that answers some of your questions.