Since triggers arent only limited to PTSD as I explained, that's why I did not put it in PTSD.

Thank you for explaining everything - I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. My dad wanted me to abort but I would not which was why he spent my money to force my hand into adoption. My mom passed away. I have been in abusive relationships and can also be controlling at times. I understand you. I also had it in my head - in fact drilled into my head by therapists at one point "the past is in the past". While that statement is true, it is also true, as one therapist finally pointed out, that it is our past that shapes us. Each word spoken, each event that occurs, every action committed every day of our lives - has an affect on the remaining days of our lives. Some things affect us without us even realizing it. When someone moves out of your way as you pass by them in a grocery store for example, you may subconsciously feel a sense of high esteem...and then the next time someone refuses to move out of your way, you become offended as you feel a sense of disregard threatening the previous sense of high esteem. Other things affect us in more obvious ways - such as birth of a child, marriage, death, rape, etc. We can choose to change the effects these things have on us, it's true - but it takes time to do, and to do so one must be willing to look at it for what it is and therefore not leave it in the past, but rather allow it to be brought to the surface again but only for brief moments as long as the person can stand looking at it. While looking at it, one must figure out what it is precisely that is causing the negative reaction and what it is the person could do to cause the negative reaction to become one which would strengthen the person.

You did not really cross a boundary - I just felt as if you were taking the thread in a direction it was not intended and rebelling when I wouldn't allow it to go there. As I said I do truly care about you as a person and have great concern for your personal situation. You do not offend me. People can be upset at situations with other people without being offended by the person themselves.

If you would like, you and I can talk in PM- or you can talk more here if you wish too, either is fine. I do know the pain you are going through. It is awful when everything hits you at once and you feel like you are caught in a whirlwind that shows no signs of letting up. I will tell you something I learned though. Burying my past, as some counselors tried to teach me to do, weakened me - embracing my past, has strengthened me - but I still have a long way to go and though I have lost a lot of the sting from my triggers, they still exist. I want to find a day they do not exist.