Screw all the fancy terms. I love you with the intensity of a thousand deranged monkeys. Why? YOU TELL ME. I'm once again pissed at you and your judgment that's clear as day but you won't admit to. Quit fussing over my marriage and help me sort out my head instead. I can't just pack away my silly feelings for you and go on my merry way. If you want to help me AND my marriage, you need to quit with the judgment, help me dig deeper and resolve this. Seriously. Don't treat me like a child or an idiot or a dog you're trying to train. It's not like it just hasn't occurred to me to look for this ******* magic within my marriage. I've never cheated, I'm committed to my wife, and my feelings for her are solid. You know this. All of it. I am not bored or looking for adventure and I don't want to be this way, but I don't know how to stop it. Do I need to point out to you that I have some mental health issues? Yeah, that's kinda why I came to see you in the first place.

Also, would you mind wearing a paper bag over your head, so I wouldn't have to look at that gorgeous, perfect face of yours, because it just about kills me.

ARGH.