Your repeated statement of your T not being your mother and you being an adult now, gives me the impression that you still haven't internalized those items.

I don't know, the thought that as infants and children grow and internalize these feelings they naturally want to and strive to explore further and further away only to periodically return to the safety of their care giver.

And another thought, is that my mother did not cease to exist or cease to be my mother just because I became an adult. Our relationship just changed. In the transference world, perhaps that is similar to how the relationship changes as the transference is worked through and the T starts to be seen as a T and not the transference object.

I don't know, I feel like I have something here, not sure if it is for you or me .. or even useful. Let me know if you want this deleted if it rubs you funny. It is posted with the hopes to help.