[QUOTE=Elio;5685871]Did/do you have only one child part or multiple child parts?
I have identified 3 distinct child parts. Little boy (age 4-5), Older boy (10-11), Younger girl (12-13)

What does it mean to you that the child part is in control?
Mostly it is the internal or instinctual responses to things. Rarely/occasionally, the little boy (pouting) and younger girl (anger rants and erratic declarations of doneness) have emotional responses to the extent that there is an outward behavioral response. The older boy plays more of background role and is actually more running the show in being distant from people and focused on following rules, structuring life, routines, and order.

How much of your daily life did/does the child part control?
A lot of the time it is hard to tell where the I/adult and the older boy are different; however, there is a subtle and major difference. The older boy kicks in from an emotional response - there is an emotional component to my actions when he is in control. The adult is just doing because it is what life is.

How did you used to respond to the child part before working on it?
Shame, criticism, lock away, try to control them, discount them, not listen to them.

How long did you work primarily through IFS or child part?
Just really starting, I'd say 6-9 months in.

What/how do you respond/address the child part now?
I started by acknowledging and treating them as independent and self contained parts. I had been trying to listen to them, trying to understand what happened to bring them forward and what gifts they provide for me. I (the adult) had started letting each of them be heard and try to address each of their concerns with situations presented to us. I was trying to act more as a mediator between the parts and what is best for the unit as a whole rather than just what the adult expects. This meant that I was allowing the parts have time to just be and exist when not emotionally triggered.

Right now, I'm in a set back state and trying to box them up and lock them away again. I'm feeling like they are not welcomed or wanted anymore. It's harder to push them back and lock them up than before, and I miss them.[/QUOTE

1. I picture a baby, who cries for its mother, and a 3 or 4 year old who wants to climb into T's lap and stay there. She wants to hold T's hand. There used to be the teenage part who had a crush and was in love with T. That part is mostly hidden now, but when T looks a certain way, that part pops out and I can't stop her.

2. To me, the child parts being in control means that I cry about T and the fact that she can't be the "answer", that she shattered my dreams. If they weren't in control, I'd be able to totally accept that T is my T and nothing else.

3. Those child parts usually are around during and after my session, and for the next day or two. When I decided to stop looking up information about T and her family, they were around almost all of the time in my daily life. I can function as an adult pretty well most of the time.

4. Mostly I responded to the child part with shame and disgust. I didn't want anything to do with knowing that I had parts of me who were attracted to my Ts and wanted to be comforted by them. I used to say I didn't want to talk about "that baby stuff."

5. I started with my current T in 2010 and for the first year or so we primarily did IFS.

6. First I learned how to separate myself from the part. T used to tell me my parts were blended. She had me move to one part of the couch and leave the part on the other side. Then we did a lot of "does that part know you're there?" and "What does she want from you?" I had trouble with those questions and still do, especially "does that part know you're there?" It's still hard to visualize part of me. T says they are just parts of my personality. Sometimes I can comfort a part now, but my most progress is in accepting the parts. T always said to accept all of my parts and not be ashamed of them. I used to blush when I talked about the part who loved her or the part who wanted to be a kangeroo and live in her pouch. She taught me those wishes are acceptable, and that I should try to accept all of my parts. I learned that the part is just a part, not all of me. My goal is still for my Self to be the director of the choir, not to let my parts run the show.

Elio, this thread has been very helpful for me to track my progress. Thank you very much.