You may 'feel' that way but it doesn't mean it's true.I think you should keep talking about this kind of stuff,it's all that stuff from the past that you're holding inside of you that keeps you so down and struggling alll the time.It's poisonous,it's good to get it all out.

I am just afraid that now you're going to become obsessed with researching traumatic brain injury like you have with so many other things and become even more unstable than you already are.

Just keep talking,here and with your treatment providers about all of the things you went through as a child,I think that would help you so much more than trying to figure out exactly what your diagnosis should be or the cause of your struggles.Focus all that attention and energy on getting all of the poison out.

And when you want to start threads putting yourself down,saying you don't want to live,your life sucks,etc.,maybe talk about the past instead,it sounds like that's what's really behind all your hurt and pain.

Even though it made me sad to read your posts in this thread,to me it's progress that you're talking about it.It sounds like you had a horrible childhood and telling your story,even though it's hard,is healing.