Perhaps, like many of us, you are looking for that one thing that is at the very core of our giant messiness.

If we know what that is, then maybe the chaos will fall into order

I know that (for me) thinking that way is better than considering that the dysfunctional thoughts have NO nucleus....

Plus the effort of trying to find out is absolutely exhausting and leaves no room for actual living and only a very small spot for happiness.

You're a much more tenacious warrior than I will ever be.