I'd say that "too picky" sounds a bit judgemental, and maybe isn't helpful. Can you think of it more like... "Are my requirements helping me find the best person?"

"Too picky" just sounds like there's a value judgement in there.

I'd say - use the requirements that you want, then see what the results are. If you can't find anyone that fits your requirements start thinking about priorities, what things are absolute requirements and which might be flexible.

For example:
- I absolutely agree with you, I wouldn't want to see a therapist that I knew through work - that would be too much conflict of interest for me. That would be a high priority (for me).

- Does the therapist have to be a female? Is it possible that you might find a male who feels safe and is excellent at his job? How about the age requirements (older than you) and years of experience? Is it possible that you could find somebody closer in age to you who may have some experience, but not as much as you'd like in a perfect world?

- What if you found somebody who was really good, but didn't have recommendations from people you know? Would it help if they had positive reviews online? Do you think you could get a feel for how good they are by how they interact with you in the first session or two?

I'm looking for a therapist too now, so I'm going through the same thing (I'm also very picky! ). I'm trying to remind myself that you can't really *know* what a therapist is like until you meet them and work with them. They can be perfect on paper, but horrible in person. They can be highly recommended by friends - and great with those friends - but might not be able to deal with some aspect of your personality, or you might not like something about them that didn't bother your friend. It's all SO subjective, that really, when it gets down to it, you have to schedule an appointment and meet them to see how the chemistry is.

I hate it, personally. I wish there were a better way to get matched with a good-fitting therapist! But, this is all we have right now.

So, can you see which, if any, of your requirements you can relax - then schedule a few appointments with people who might not be perfect, but look like possibilities? Maybe one will surprise you with how awesome they are in person?

Good luck!!!