I remember having my last therapist basically tell me she couldn't help me and that she was going to phase me out of her care. I felt abandoned, but it was true--she couldn't help me. Looking back it's clear that some of that therapy made things much worse.
I felt like I wanted to give up living, too. It's hard to even bear the feeling on the recall.
I eventually did find a therapist, truly by the grace of God, and by the same I've actually been able to pay for sessions. It's not too late to learn how to bond either. I'm 37 and only started to learn that 3 years ago. When I was your age I had absolutely none of the understanding that you have about yourself now. You're already closer to it than I was.
I hope that something I've said gives you something to hold onto. My heart goes out to you and I just want to help in some way.