LMo -- I think that is a good reminder. It's good to be given insight into the other side of the equation.

What has been frustrating for me, however, is that I did keep on trying -- even when the steps I could take were minimal. I got out of bed every single day, even when I felt like killing myself.

I choked down food because I knew I had to, even when my mouth was so dry it all tasted like sawdust.

I kept trying little CBT techniques. I used the forum for support when I had nothing else.

And to have my brother tell me to go ahead just kill myself -- and my mother that I wasn't doing anything to help myself -- was NOT helpful. My T's mouth gaped at both of these comments. "You do nothing but try to help yourself," she said.

Not everyone has a loving helper like you, LMo. My mother's comment, I would say that came from ignorance. And when I told her it had to stop, it did. But my bro -- I don't know where he was coming from. Sounded a lot like hate to me.