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I don't know wether she is testing me to see my redaction or if she really did have sex with him and wants to see if I would take her back.
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Whether or not she had sex with him--she could be testing your reactions.
She has been allowing you to be closer to her, but also making that closeness painful for you. She could be gradually allowing you two to get back together, or she could be manipulating you. It will be painful to find out which it is. To me, a main question is how much emotional pain and confusion you are willing to risk in order to possibly get her and your family back.
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I don't think she knows what she wants but I know I'm not a plan B.
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Not knowing what she wants does not make you a Plan B. It means that she does not know what she wants--yet. I will slightly reword what I said above:
To me, a main question is how much emotional pain and confusion you are willing to risk, and how much time you are willing to allow, in order for her to figure out what she wants.
Your therapist can help you think these things through. Also, keep suggesting marital counseling. But if you suggest it, the approach, in my opinion, should be something like "I really want our marriage to work out and this can help us figure things out", not something said in anger or frustration, not something that explicitly or implicitly criticizes her.