(((DadMF))),

I have given your situation a lot of thought and have been paying attention to what you have said about your wife's behavior.

While I have PM'd you with my personal opinion of the red flags I am seeing in this scenario, I will at least put down here in your thread that what you are dealing with is a wife that has extremely low self esteem and some deep unresolved hurts that she is running away from, this is why the punishment isn't fitting the crime. Your wife has chosen to escape her deep emotional challenges through alcohol and she is exhibiting the classic signs of developing an addiction and her choice is the wine.

I have seen this enough in my life to be able to see the red flags and it is part of how I struggle myself because of how this disease/challenge in others that I loved ended up not only hurting them but also me.

Your wife is showing you her reality and right now this is something that your age group has been struggling with in increasing numbers, the AA rooms are crowded and there are actually a lot of individuals in your age group that are high functioning alcoholics. It's definitely a big problem now. Your wife has never resolved her emotional hurt from being abandoned, she has got some deep issues the alcohol cannot fix, but she is in denial and is using it as an escape more and more. This is part of why she doesn't want to move in with you too because she is "hiding" her problem, she is in denial too. She is telling you in ways where she has stated F love, F marriage, I have been hurt too much and I am giving up and am going to "avoid" that and drink and party and be all about me now. I don't want the hurt anymore.

Your wife definitely needs help and if she continues down this road this will have a life long affect on your children, just ask anyone who is now an adult child of an alcoholic be it the mother, the father, or both.

Your wife will need help, and I know first hand how hard that can be on the partner. This is not about punishing you, this is about her need to run away from her own deep hurts and she needs help, the way she is handling this is bad for her and her children.

Please don't choose to react to what I am saying, talk about this with your therapist, take time out and go to an alanon meeting, even an alcoa meeting so you can get some ideas on how to handle this problem, because, your wife needs help and you are going to also need support in how to deal with this challenge.