Your marriage relationship will NEVER be the same again after this. IF she is willing to do the marriage counseling & work through the issues that exist & have existed in the marriage....it could grow stronger or realize that breaking apart is the best thing.

Without marriage counseling, all this crap will probably only serve to make the marriage grow farther & farther apart with more & more battles. Marriage is hard enough when things are ok. Like you posted once, you ASSUMED things were resolved before that deployment.....NEVER ASSUME anything in marriage or otherwise. Most problems in life come from assumptions that were wrong.

It's not so much being emotionally attached but ALWAYS looking at it through your logical mind & not through just the emotional mind. They are not mutually exclusive but the logical mind makes the best decisions. It helps to also keep in touch with the emotional mind also when making one's decisions just to make sure the whole picture works.

Life is complicated & even more when it involves marriage (someone else) in the picture.....these difficulties are best looked at as learning & growing opportunities....you are definitely learning more about your wife than you ever knew before.