Hi.Im a 24 y/o female, have been in a relationship for one and half years with my boyfriend. At my pap 8 mos ago, I was diagnosed with cervical dysplasia (i.e. precancerous cells) and was told it was from HPV...had the colposcopy, which confirmed it, then had cryosurgery (i.e. freezing of the cervix) to treat it. The thing is, I don't know how I got the HPV. I kind of assumed I got it from my current boyfriend, but decided against telling him about it...The HPVV that causes cervical cancer doesn't affect men, and I was already infected and couldn't be reinfected, so I was afraid it would cause more problems than it was worth to bring it up.. (He knows about the precancerous stuff, just not specifically that its HPV.)

Prior to meeting him, I had 3-month-long relationship with a female friend. She and I are both essential heterosexual, it was my only sexual experience with a female, and it was a mistake in many many ways (i.e. she was very abusive, I was with her out of guilt and had no attraction for her, etc etc.) I have had a lot of shame and regret over this, more so over the fact that it was HER than about the fact that she was a girl. Not surprisingly, we haven't been able to maintain a friendship. Well, she called me earlier, after not having talked in 3 weeks and not having hung out in months, saying she just came back positive for precancerous cells as well. And then it brought all of the feelings back about the HPV and about the "relationship." (I guess it wasn't from my boyfriend if she has it too, but it's impossible to tell who gave it to whom.)

Anyway, I still feel guilty over not telling my boyfriend about the HPV. I mean, he DOES know about the precancerous cells but doesn't know it's an STD that causes it. I feel dishonest NOT telling him, and even though this strain doesn't specifically affect him, if we break up he could infect a future partner. He does know about my relationship with this girl, but I don't exactly like to talk about this part of my history. I feel gross even thinking about her, and knowing this now makes me feel even worse. Also, another reason for telling him is that i'm afraid she is goign to use this info against me in some way, as "punishment" for not wanting to be her friend, and that he will find out anyway. (I have been distancing myself from her since we broke up but haven't outright ended the friendship until recently, partially out of fear of her behavior.) Another reason I want to tell him is b/c I want someone to talk to about this. So few people know about that relationship or about the HPV. And if I were to talk to anyone about both, I'd prefer it to be him (unless it was my therapist, but she doesn't count...and she's on vacation.)