This is not a threat of SU.
I am safe.

I feel like... my being alive is a mistake. Even the most enjoyable parts of life are not worth being alive for. I love my daughter. I love my family. But, I do not want to be alive. I dread waking up. Every day is just survival.

I feel so guilty. There are so many people who WANT life. My former therapist, for one. He's my best friend. And he has cancer. And I wish to GOD I could give him my life. Because I do not want it. And he wants his.

Of course, I have instincts. If I had cancer, I would fight to live, because I have human instincts. And, because of my daughter. Because I can't...just can't...hurt her. So I live. But I hate it. I hate living.

I just don't want to do this anymore.
I never wanted to do it to begin with.
Since I was CHILD, I did not want to be alive.
Since I was a child, I wished I hadn't been born.